This blog was written by Dr Sreehari Ravidranath, Ms Apoorva Bhatnagar, Dr Joseph Thomas Rijo and Mr Amit V Kumar from Dream a Dream, India.

Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) is widely recognised as essential for promoting wellbeing, cooperation and young people’s meaningful participation in their communities. SEL frameworks often assume that emotional development unfolds similarly for all learners, regardless of gender, culture or identity. Yet emotional expression and regulation are deeply shaped by social norms that define which feelings are acceptable, which are discouraged, and which must remain hidden.

For SEL to support gender equality, emotional life must be examined not only as a site of learning but also as a site where power, identity and social norms are negotiated.

Education scholars argue that gendered emotional norms influence daily interactions in school life as significantly as the formal curriculum. These norms are seldom interrogated within policy reforms that focus on access, retention and academic achievement. The result is a blind spot in the literature. SEL, which is intended to promote empathy, self-awareness and resilience, can instead reproduce the emotional hierarchies that restrict girls, boys and gender-diverse learners.

This article draws on the theoretical literature regarding emotional socialisation and presents new empirical evidence from the OECD Survey on Social and Emotional Skills conducted in Delhi, India. It argues for SEL that is deliberately gender-transformative, grounded in justice and aligned with the right of every learner to express emotions safely and authentically.

Gendered emotional expectations in schooling

Girls are considered to be conditioned to be caring, cooperative and emotionally self-regulated across many contexts. They are praised for being agreeable and socially attuned and are often expected to manage conflict quietly and prioritise others’ feelings. Conversely, boys are usually encouraged to be independent, assertive and emotionally reserved. Anger and dominance are legitimised in boys, whereas vulnerability and sensitivity frequently carry social penalties. These norms shape the emotional possibilities available to children.

The consequences of this are asymmetrical. Girls may develop strong interpersonal skills but simultaneously face pressure to please and perform emotional labour. Boundaries, assertiveness and expressions of anger can be discouraged, narrowing the space for agency. Boys may enjoy more freedom to command attention or take risks, yet are often denied support in processing distress or anxiety. Emotional suppression, celebrated as a strength, can become a risk factor for isolation and unaddressed psychological needs. For children who identify beyond the binary categories of gender, the emotional restrictions can be even more severe and threatening to their sense of belonging and safety.

Therefore, emotional expectations function as a mechanism through which inequality is reproduced inside and beyond classrooms. SEL that does not directly confront these expectations can unintentionally reinforce stereotypical emotional roles rather than transform them.

What the evidence from Delhi shows

The OECD Survey on Social and Emotional Skills, conducted in 2023 with Dream a Dream as a national partner, provides new insights into gendered emotional patterns among 15-year-olds in Delhi. The survey measured a comprehensive set of 15 competencies, including empathy, curiosity, emotional control, persistence and assertiveness.

The results indicate that girls in Delhi reported higher levels of empathy, curiosity, achievement, motivation, tolerance, creativity and assertiveness than boys. Boys reported higher stress resistance, emotional control and energy levels. The differences were statistically significant. The results for Delhi differ from the trends observed across many other participating cities. In particular, girls in Delhi demonstrated greater assertiveness and creativity than boys, whereas this pattern was reversed in most other sites.

The survey further revealed gender differences in wellbeing. Girls reported poorer health behaviours and higher levels of test and class anxiety than boys did. However, both genders reported similar levels of psychological wellbeing, life satisfaction and relationship satisfaction. This suggests that the emotional strengths demonstrated by girls coexist with pressures and stressors that remain largely unrecognised by the girls themselves.

In addition, the SEL competencies were significantly associated with future aspirations. Higher levels of curiosity, creativity, tolerance, persistence, self-control and empathy were associated with expectations of completing tertiary education and aspirations for professional careers in adulthood. Emotional control was also positively associated with career ambition. These relationships tended to be larger in Delhi than the average across all sites, indicating that SEL competencies have a powerful influence on students’ imagined futures in this context.

These findings underscore that emotional norms are not only linked to wellbeing but also influence agency, confidence and opportunities. The patterns observed in Delhi provide a powerful illustration of how SEL intersects with gendered expectations and shapes life trajectories.

Why SEL must be gender-transformative

Many education systems have advanced toward gender-responsive approaches that recognise differences and aim to protect against overt bias. However, these efforts often remain focused on access or participation and do not fully address the deeper emotional expectations that constitute social inequality. A gender-transformative approach goes further than this. It seeks to challenge and alter the social norms and institutional practices that determine whose emotions are taken seriously and whose emotions are denied legitimacy.

Gender-transformative SEL asserts that emotional expression is neither neutral nor purely an individual phenomenon. It is socially organised. This requires educators and policy actors to work to expand the emotional repertoire available to every learner. This includes validating assertive and boundary-setting behaviours among girls and affirming vulnerability and care among boys. It also requires ensuring that gender-diverse students experience safety and recognition rather than erasure and harm. A gender-transformative approach goes further by actively challenging harmful gender norms and institutional practices.

Teachers are central to this study. They carry the emotional socialisation that they have experienced. Without support for their wellbeing and reflective capacities, teachers may unconsciously reinforce gendered expectations. Therefore, SEL integrated into education in emergencies and long-term development contexts must include teacher professional learning that addresses emotional bias, self-awareness, and relational pedagogy.

Toward emotional equity in education

As global education increasingly recognises the importance of mental health and psychosocial support, emotional equality must be viewed as a rights-based imperative. However, young people are not merely learning subject matter in school. They learn which emotions are permissible and which are forbidden. They absorb, through constant signals, who they are allowed to become.

To advance gender equality, educational systems must recognise emotional life as a dimension of justice. When gender-transformative, SEL invites students to reclaim emotional authenticity without penalty. When classrooms become environments where girls’ leadership is encouraged, boys’ emotional needs are respected, and gender-diverse identities are affirmed, children gain access to dignity as learners and as citizens.

Addressing gendered emotional norms is not an optional enhancement of SEL. It is essential to build inclusive societies in which power no longer dictates whose emotions can be expressed in the light.

Note

This blog speaks primarily about girls and boys because much of the available SEL and gender-disaggregated data is structured within binary categories. However, we deeply acknowledge that gender exists beyond binaries, and that non-binary, trans and gender-diverse young people face unique emotional and structural challenges that require urgent attention, compassion and systemic change. Unlearning gendered emotional norms is essential for all young people, not just those within binary categories.